It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
