the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
3pm strippers are depressing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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