we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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