I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
