when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
