i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
