i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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