so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
