He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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