I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
