EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
