If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
