It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
