maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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