While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
