i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
