Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
