she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
