worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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