first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
