I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
