My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
