I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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