I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
