First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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