Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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