Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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