we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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