Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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