I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
