the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
