I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize