he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
