sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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