I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
