I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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