remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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