Already got asked if we're dating
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
