Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
