if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
