You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
