ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
