Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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