It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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