The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize