remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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