just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize
