I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
