i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
