hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
