I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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