from now on my penis is your penis
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
