I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
