walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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