If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
