Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
