Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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