Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
