i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ketchup is God's man juice
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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