Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
