If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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