well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
