Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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