great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize