the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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