naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do herpes really smell.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
