her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
