I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
