i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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