I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
