Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
