Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize