I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
